The Wedding Crasher

“Do you do that often?”“Do what?” he asks, tilting his head.“Roll your eyes. It’s charming.”“My coffee order really upset you, didn’t it?”“It did,” I say, unable to keep the grin off my face.

“What’s this?” I ask as I peek inside and leaf through the contents.“Think of it as a primer on me. For fun, I’m calling it the Dean Dossier.”“I already have double D’s. I don’t need yours too.”

ME: It’s only a few fake dates.MAX: Make sure it stays that way.ME: Okay.MAX: I mean it, D. You do not want to get on Lina’s bad side.ME: She has a good one?ME: Kidding.MAX: Line. Crossed. I’m kicking your ass the next time I see you.

“Where should I start? Bathroom?” I give her a wicked grin. “Your medicine cabinet?”“Jesus, Chapman. That’s a little forward, don’t you think? You haven’t even taken me on a date yet.”“Apologies. Bedroom, then?”“That’s more like it,” she says with a wink.

“Okay, you know what? Your animosity for my coffee preferences is getting out of hand. Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s rude to yuck someone’s yum?”“I’m a fan of swallowing, so no. Plenty of people seem to enjoy when I yuck their yum, actually.”“Are we talking about the same thing?”“Probably not,” she says, holding back a smile.

“Are you guys married?” I ask, leaning in so I can be heard over the music pumping through Sip City’s surround speakers.“We are,” Brynn says, placing a hand over Jaxson’s. “Ten years. What about you two?”“Just dating,” Dean says as he casually rests his arm on the back of my chair.Just? Oh dear. We’ve got our work cut out for us. And sweet Jesus, he looks so proud of himself too. Look, Ma! I’m pretending to be her boyfriend!

Men in suits don’t often catch my attention; Dean in a suit monopolizes it.

“The school’s impressive, Ms. Pereira.”The way he says my last name. Good Lord.“There’s a steady buzz in the air,” he continues.That’s the sound of the vibrator I’ll be using at home later this evening. It’s voice-activated, and you turned it on from here.Oh my God.I’m a garbage person.Stop it, Solange!

I want to help him get his happily-ever-after, even if the “after” simply means he secures the promotion of his dreams.

Every time she spoke during dinner, I wanted to throw up a little cheer and shout That’s my girl.