Диковинные диалоги в книжных магазинах

CUSTOMER (holding up a copy of Ulysses): Why is this book so long? Isn’t it supposed to be set in one day only? How can this many pages of things happen to one person in one day? I mean, I get up, have breakfast, go to work, come home...sometimes I might go out for a drink, and that’s it! And, I mean, that doesn’t fill a book, does it?

Bookseller: Excuse me?
Man: Yes?
Bookseller: Could you put that cigarette out, please?
Man: Why?
Bookseller: Because it’s illegal to smoke in a public place.
Man: This isn’t a public place; there’s only you and me here.
Bookseller: Yes, but it’s still a public place. And apart from anything else: I’m allergic to cigarette smoke, and this shop is rather flammable.
Man: Why?
Bookseller: … because it’s filled with paper.
Man: Is it?

Customer: Do you have a copy of Jane Eyre?
Bookseller: Actually, I just sold that this morning, sorry!
Customer: Oh. Have you read it?
Bookseller: Yep, it's one of my favourite books.
Customer: Oh great (sits down beside bookseller), could you tell me all about it? I have to write an essay on it by tomorrow.

CUSTOMER: I’m looking for a book called Not Your Ordinary Average Day in the Park.

BOOKSELLER: I’m not familiar with that one. Do you know what it’s about?

CUSTOMER: It’s about a boy with autism, and a dog.

BOOKSELLER: Do you mean The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time?

CUSTOMER: Yes, that’s it. I knew it had a title like that.

LITTLE BOY: Hello. You still have no customers. If I owned this shop I’d fire you.

BOOKSELLER: Wow. Brutal. And then how would you proceed?

LITTLE BOY: I’d buy a megaphone and shout at people to buy my books. That’s your problem – you don’t shout at them.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any of those books on symbols and stuff?

BOOKSELLER: What type of symbols do you mean?

CUSTOMER: You know, like a horseshoe – which I know is good luck – but what I want to know is: what does it mean when someone puts a dead bird through my letterbox?

BOOKSELLER: . . . I think it means they don’t like you.

(Teen daughter holds up a copy of The Canterbury Tales)
HER MOTHER: You’re not old enough to read that. I’m not old enough to read that!

(Elderly female customer is looking at the chart) CUSTOMER: I can’t believe everybody’s reading this Fifty Shades ...

BOOKSELLER: I know. I take it it isn’t your cup of tea, then?

CUSTOMER: Oh, no dear; been there, done that – no need to read about it!

CUSTOMER: Guess what.

BOOKSELLER: What?

CUSTOMER: I’m building a spaceship in my back garden to scare my neighbours.

CUSTOMER: I’m looking for that book ... Romeo and Juliet. It’s about a fight between the DiCaprios and another gang. Street stuff.

CUSTOMER’S FRIEND: Yeah. it’s the true story of Leonardo DiCaprio.