Диковинные диалоги в книжных магазинах

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books on the dark arts?

BOOKSELLER: . . . No.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any idea where I could find some?

BOOKSELLER: Why don’t you try Knockturn Alley?

CUSTOMER: Where’s that?

BOOKSELLER: Oh, the centre of London.

CUSTOMER: Thanks, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for it.

CUSTOMER: Doesn't it bother you, being surrounded by books all day? I think I'd be paranoid they were all going to jump off the shelves and kill me.
BOOKSELLER: ....

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?

CUSTOMER: I'm always on night shift at work.
BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you're buying so many vampire novels?
CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared.

CUSTOMER (to her friend, upon opening a copy of The Lord of the Rings): Oh, look, this one’s got a map in the front.

CUSTOMER’S FRIEND: Oh yeah. Where’s it of?

CUSTOMER: Mor... Mor-dor.

CUSTOMER’S FRIEND: Oh. Where’s that then?

CUSTOMER (having read the blurb to Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief aloud to his son): Excuse me, is this book based on a true story?

BOOKSELLER: It’s about an American teenager discovering he’s the son of Poseidon by accidentally vaporising his maths teacher.

CUSTOMER: Yes.

BOOKSELLER: So, no.

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What’s this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

CUSTOMER (pointing back and forth from the bookseller to a full-size cut out of Legolas): Is that you?
BOOKSELLER: No. That's Orlando Bloom.

CUSTOMER: If I were to, say... meet the love of my life in this bookshop, what section do you think they would be standing in?

MAN : Hi, I’ve just self-published my art book. My friends tell me that I’m set to be the new Van Gogh. How many copies of my book would you like to pre-order?
BOOKSELLER : You know, Van Gogh was never appreciated in his lifetime.
MAN : . . .