No Bad Parts

•In other words, all of us are born with many sub-minds that are constantly interacting inside of us.

•The mono-mind paradigm has caused us to fear our parts and view them as pathological. In our attempts to control what we consider to be disturbing we start to fight our thoughts and emotions

•The IFS concept that "there are no bad parts, only parts in bad roles" is a cornerstone of IFS. This means: Even parts that commit extreme harm, like those that have perpetrated violence, started with a protective or survival-oriented intent. Their harmful behaviors are driven by painful burdens they carry—not by their true nature.

•The Self is the core, undamaged essence of who you are. It is present in everyone, regardless of life experiences or trauma.

•Parts are subpersonalities within the psyche, each with its own emotions, desires, and strategies. Parts are shaped by the need to adapt and survive in challenging environments. •For instance: A critical part may emerge to enforce high standards. A protective part may absorb the rage of an abuser to shield the individual from further harm.

•Sometimes you might feel overwhelmed with fear, anger, or apathy. You might dissociate or become confused or have cravings. That's because, at least temporarily you become the part that has blended with you.

•Why do parts blend? Protective parts blend because they believe they have to manage situations in your life. They don't trust your Self to do it.

•Blended parts give us the projections, transferences, and other twisted views that are the bread and butter of psychotherapy. The Self's view is unfiltered by those distortions.

In fact, most meditations can be seen as unblending practices. Whether you mindfully separate from thoughts and emotions by noticing them from a place of calm acceptance, you are accessing the Self.

•Many parts believe they are still protecting you as a young child.

•Parts live in the past—frozen in time in the traumas that you experienced. They feel alone with all that pressure and terror. The simple act of turing your focus inside and beginning to listen and talk to them and let them know they aren't alone— because you are there to care for them—is quite radical

•Bad parts are just forced to be in this role, which they don't like

•We need a new approach based on no longer trying to kill the messenger and instead listening to the message

•The reason I included this session is probably clear: no matter how much we check with protectors upfront and seem to get permission from them, it's not uncommon for parts to backlash

•An exile is healed when Self retrieves it from where it is stuck in the past.

•Self is not observable—you can't see your Self, because it's your seat of consciousness. It's the place from which you see your parts and the outside world.

•When people take MDMA they don't hallucinate or leave their bodies. Instead, they experience the same things I'd been calling the Self.

•Self-led people are drawn to practices, rituals, and religious traditions that help them access more Self

•The client's Self becomes the good attachment figure to their insecure or avoidant parts

•When we view other people as utterly separate, mono-mind beings, it's hard not to totalize them. We objectify them as a narcissist, psychopath, or racist, and miss the opportunity to connect with other parts of them

•In the IFS framework, mental health conditions can be understood through the lens of part dynamics: depression often correlates with managers becoming exhausted in their attempts to control emotions, avoid triggers, or maintain a sense of safety. This suppression of exiles' pain can lead to emotional numbness, hopelessness, and a lack of motivation. Loneliness reflects the burden of exiles, which hold deep feelings of abandonment, rejection, or worthlessness. Addictions are typically the domain of firefighters, which act impulsively to distract when the pain of exiles becomes unbearable.

•As you get more access to Self and become more Self-led, you also attain more clarity about the vision you ha our life, which means that your priorities may be quite different than they were when your protectors were in charge. When we have lots of exiles, our protectors have no choice but to be egotistic, hedonistic, or dissociative.

•Your protectors work tirelessly and valiantly to keep pumping air into your ego so it doesn't deflate and sink in the abyss of exiled emotion.

•Abraham Maslow is well known for his ideas on self-actualization. He asserted that after our basic needs for safety, belonging, and affection are met, we become aware of a higher need to do what we're best suited for.

•The way we relate to our parts translates directly to how we relate to people when they resemble our parts.

•If there's a scary part with raging emotions, we need to ask it to not totally flood us, reassuring it that by not overwhelming us, we're more likely to listen and help it. It turns out that whenever a part agrees to not overwhelm, it won't overwhelm. This is one of the laws of inner physics.

•During a panic attack, an overwhelmed part takes over, so all you need to do is ask it to step out and speak to you

•When your parts start to trust your Self, they open more space for you to be in your body. When that's the case, you feel sensations and emotions more

•When you can love all your parts, you can love all people.

•The Self is contagious. When you're embodied and you're with another person, not only do they begin to sense the presence of your Self, but their Self also starts to resonate.

•Parts can cause physical symptoms to distract you from painful emotions (e.g., repressed grief or anger), prevent you from engaging in risky activities, express unprocessed emotions through physical tension.