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“You know, I ran into a randy looking woman over near the bathrooms smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. She was a little on the skeletor side, but she seemed like she would be down for a good time. She told me she was located at the campsite across from the main lodge and could possibly get us some free ice. With that kind of hook up, we could get a real rager going on here. We could make snow cones.”“Dad, did she mean frozen ice or the drug ice?” Marley asks.“Frozen ice, of course…” Bernie pauses with his soda halfway to his mouth. “I assume. Now that I think about it, she was really twitchy. Holy Franklin Delano Roosevelt, do you think she was offering me drugs?”“Most likely, Dad. See what happens when you talk to random strangers? You get offered drugs. You’re grounded from here on out,” Paul says, bringing his beer to his lips.

“Porter, will you…powder my butt for me?”Bernie grunts and walks away, clearly not wanting to be a part of this conversation.“Please, Porter? It’s so sensitive.”“Why can’t you just put some on the ground and sit on it?” I suggest, not wanting to cup Paul’s ass.“The floor is dirty. Please, Porter?”I run my hand over my face in irritation, then grab the powder and squirt some on my hands. I hold my hands up to his butt and look him dead in the eyes.“I swear on the tip of your dick, if you ever utter what I’m about to do to anyone, I will make sure your asshole really is welded shut and you spend the rest of your life pooping through a tube. You got it?”Paul nods in agreement and sticks his butt out to me.

Paul clears his throat and chimes in. “Did you know that an average blue whale’s penis is nine feet long and twelve inches in diameter? Their balls can weigh up to one-hundred and fifty pounds. That’s like having two human adults hanging between your legs. Try rolling those up in your pants.” Paul sticks his finger up in the air as he continues. “Also, don’t plan on giving a blue whale a blow job anytime soon, unless you’re ready to swallow up to thirty five pints of semen. Ejaculation is a scary thing with whales; you can drown in whale spunk. What a way to go. Here lies, Porter. Died from suffocation of whale cum.”