The Only Light Left Burning

I think the reason it’s called “heartbreak” is because it really does feel as if your chest has split open and everything has fallen out. And then all that’s left is numbness.

Authoritarianism doesn’t go away on its own. A few brave people need to push back, tell everyone who will listen what the future will look like if things continue.

“I miss the rainy days at my computer. A cup of tea and a steamy open-door scene at the ready. You know how many different ways I had to think of to say erect penis?”

“Please tell me all of them,” I say as she stands. “I need a new way to make Andrew blush.”

Rocky Horror even said it—being queer is inherently dangerous, but so is the world now. For everyone. Is this how our lives are going to be now? Tiny moments of joy and then awfulness the rest of the time?

Because if it is, yes, I do need my defense mechanism. I need to be a cynical bitch who can laugh because otherwise I’ll go insane.

We’re all learning how to fight back. And maybe that’s what we need to do. I’ll always fight for Andrew; we just need to find other people who are willing to fight for us, too.

Morally, yes, we are absolutely doing the right thing. But morality is a construct of civilized society, which doesn’t exist anymore. Now we shoot each other over supplies or out of revenge.

In the cabin, it was easy to pretend we were still playing under the original moral rules of society. Then the people came—Howard and Raven and the group of others who showed up and demanded our supplies.

It wasn’t until the apocalypse that I realized exactly how many stars were out there. With zero light pollution left in the world, it’s pretty awesome. Awesome meaning evoking awe, not plain old cool. That’s a word that should be reclaimed in the apocalypse. Awesome. But only to be used in truly awesome situations.

“Both of you, on your knees,” Hickey says.

Sure, Hickey, but let’s see how many innuendos I can make. “Buy us dinner first.” I expect Jamie to scold me, but when I glance over at him he’s smirking as he drops to his knees.