Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"There seems to be something jamming my guidance system", explained the computer brightly, "impact minus forty-five seconds. Please, call me Eddie if it will help you to relax."

I worked hard to get where I am today, and I didn't become captain of a Vogon constructor ship simply so I could turn it into a taxi service for a load of degenerate freeloaders. I have sent out a search party,and as soon as they find you I will put you off the ship
If you're very lucky I might read you some of my poetry first.

"I thought", he said, "that if the world was going to end we were meant to lie down or put a paper bag over our head or something".
"If you like, yes", said Ford.

Його гумова шкіра брудно-зеленого кольору була достатньо товстою, щоби без шкідливих для здоров'я ефектів витримати як тиск води на глибинах до тисячі футів, так і політичну діяльність

Ти перетворюєшся на пінгвіна. Візьми себе в руки!

"Perhaps I'm old and tired', he continued, "but I always think that the chances of finding out what is really going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. Look at me: I design coastlines. I got an award for Norway".

— Как он мил, — проговорил он. — Жаль, что у меня нет дочери. Я бы ей запретил выходить за него замуж.

Функция президента - не распоряжаться властью, а отвлекать от нее внимание.

– Если есть дело более важное, чем моя персона, я хочу, чтобы его немедленно зарегистрировали и сожгли!

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before—and thus was the Empire forged.

He profferd people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous.

“Yeah, so if you’d taken the trouble to think about the problem a bit longer it would have gone away.”

“There’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they’ve worked out.”

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Я расстреливаю людей направо и налево, а потом часами рефлексирую об этом со своей девушкой!

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

"Is there any tea on this spaceship?" he asked.