Afterlove

Some people take more than they give. They take it and they never give it back and it doesn’t matter how tightly they hold you or how often they kiss you, it will never be enough to replace what they took.

God, it’s cruel, isn’t it? How, when there’s no time left, you suddenly know exactly what you should have done with it.

‘I feel like I’ve loved you for a really long time, but it still isn’t enough.’

Poppy presses her cheek to mine. ‘I almost want to die now so that’s the last thing I ever hear.’

It doesn’t feel like it now, but one day you’ll be scared of becoming the person you are today.

Actually, you’ll be scared that you never stopped being that person.

...don’t worry about dying, because while you’re worrying about that, you won’t notice the thousand tiny ways that you die every day.

Every time someone tells you to grow up.

Each time someone tells you to be realistic.

Every time someone tells you that you’re too much and not enough, all at once.

She leans across, pressing a kiss to my mouth, then looks at me again with another huge smile, obviously waiting for me to say something, to thank her, to tell her that I love it, promise that I’ll never take it off. But I can’t speak as I cup her face in my hands and kiss her this time, hoping it’s enough because all I can think about is what a shame it is that wherever she’s going and wherever I’m going, isn’t the same place.

Mr Moreno says it’s funny because humans have spent years and years studying the universe. We’ve built rockets and pointed them towards the moon. Peered through telescopes, trying to see what fills the space between the stars. But the universe doesn’t have to do that because, according to Carl Sagan, anyway, we – our very existence – is a way for the universe to know itself.

After being so sure that I wasn’t made for anyone, just those girls who were fond of playing with matches around my paper heart, I found her. And maybe we’re not special – cure cancer and change the world kind of special, special enough to deserve to be reunited when no one else does – yet here we are. We’ve found each other again.

‘I thought you were scared of heights?’

She just grins. ‘I’ve since learned there are better things to be scared of.’