•People often ask us why we talk so much about sex. We see sex as the elephant in the room: huge, taking up lots of space, and too seldom included in the discourse about relationships.
•Kinsey once defined a "nymphomaniac" as "someone who has more sex than you"
•Our culture also tells us that sluts are evil, uncaring, amoral, and destructive, seeking to steal something—virtue, money, self-esteem—from their partners. In some ways, this archetype is based on the idea that sex is a commodity, a coin you trade for something else—stability, children, a wedding ring—and that any other transaction constitutes being cheated and betrayed.
•if monogamy is the only acceptable option, the only true form of love, than are these agreements genuinely consensual? How many people in our society consciously make that choice?
•"Outercourse" refers to sexual activities that do not involve vaginal, anal, or oral penetration
•We think that the question of when you're having sex is actually sort of meaningless. Sexual energy pervades everything all the time
•monogamy-centrists view sex as the end, not the mean
•Many cultural anthropologists believe that contemporary leather culture got its start in the wake of World War II, brought home by soldiers who came back from war with a taste for power and authority exerted by and for men
•If sex work were legal, a worker being exploited by a pimp or trafficker could leave and report abuses
•We pay our ministers, priests, rabbis, imams, and gurus, so why should we not pay sex workers?
•You may have been taught that "getting laid" is about getting away with something. From that point of view, having an active sexual life may look like consumerism: how much can you acquire, with how little effort? Does that mean that your lover, or potential lover, is a commodity?
•When you don't want to be part of the problem, you need to become part of the solution
•Act as a Buddhist and imagine seeing the beauty and virtues of a beloved and letting go of how their strengths might meet our needs or how their beauty might make us look better
•any kind of sexual freedom must include the freedom to not have sex
•Some people treat sex as a big-game hunt—trying to conquer the unwilling and unwitting victim, as though the object of their attention would never decide to share sex with them unless tricked into it.
•We try to avoid ranking people as better or worse than each other and are unhappy with those who want to relate to our rank more than our selves
•we do not share sex with anyone that we're not at least potentially interested in sharing sex with again, and we believe that anything worth doing is worth waiting for until the time is right
•one theory of what jealousy is: it can be the experience of projecting one's uncomfortable feelings onto one's partner
•What bothers you the most? Is it that you don't want your partner to do those things with someone else or that you do want your partner to do them with you?
•you can't consent to something you don't know about
•Should you meet the metamour? We vote yes: if you don't, you'll almost certainly wind up imagining someone sexier, more predatory, and more threatening than they are
•the genitals and other erogenous zones are the "how," not the "what."
•Your authors are in no way opposed to the intense beauty of genital sex. But all of us need to work on paying attention to what we feel in the moment and to how that connects us to the people we love. We are not in the moment while we are planning the future. Too much wonderful sensual joy gets lost in projecting what will happen next.
•Your relationship with yourself is what you bring to a relationship with another person
•there are as many ways to be sexual as there are to be human, and all of them are valid
Ваша оценка
