Комиссар Каин. Герой Империума

'Be careful, sir. There's been disturbances up in the Heights1, they say.' That meant nothing to me, so I smiled, and nodded, and said we'd be careful, and checked with Divas that we'd be going nowhere near there as soon as we were out of earshot.
'Good Emperor, no,' he said, frowning. 'It's crawling with heretics. The only way you'd catch me up there is with a squadron of Hellhounds to cleanse the place.' Needless to say, he'd never seen what incendiary weapons can do to a man, or he wouldn't have been half so keen on the idea. I have, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Actually, there are one or two I would wish it on, come to think of it, and sit there happily toasting caba nuts while they screamed, but they're all dead now anyway, so it's beside the point.

'Same here,' I said. I turned my head, taking in the bustle surrounding us. 'This seems like an awful lot of firepower to put the frighteners on a bunch of stroppy provincials.'
'If the tau mobilise, we'll need every bit of it,' Divas said. 'Some of their wargear has to be seen to be believed. They've got these things like dreadnoughts, but they're fast, like Astartes infantry but twice the size, and their tanks make the eldar stuff look like they were built by orks.'
As usual, he seemed to be relishing the prospect of combat, which is easy to do when you're kilometres behind the front line chucking shells into the distance, but not so much fun when you're facing an enemy close enough to spit at you. And if that's all they've got in mind think yourself lucky, unless they're one of those Emperor-forsaken xenos that come equipped with venom sacs.
'But it won't come to that, surely,' I said. 'Now we're here they'd be mad to attempt a landing.' To my astonishment, Divas laughed.
'They won't have to. They're here already.' This was new and unwelcome information, and I goggled at him in surprise.
'Since when?' I gasped. Now I'd be the first to admit that I'm seldom that diligent when it comes to reading the briefing slates, but I was sure I'd have noticed something that crucial to my well-being in my cursory glance through it. Divas shrugged.
'About six months, apparently. They were already deployed on the planet when the Cleansing Flame dropped us off here three weeks ago.'
This was seriously bad news. I'd been looking forward to a nice brisk round of target practice on civilian rioters, or, at worst, a turkey shoot against the odd renegade PDF unit. But now we were facing a foe that could give us a real run for our money. Emperor's bowels! If half of what I'd heard about the tau and their technosorcery was true, we could be the ones getting our arses kicked. Divas grinned at my expression, misinterpreting it entirely.
'So you could see some fun after all,' he said, clapping me on the back. I could have killed him

I've seen more than my fair share of tribunals over the years, even been in front of them on occasion, and if there's one thing I've learned it's this, it's easy to get the result you want out of them. The trick is simply to state your case as clearly and concisely as possible. That, and making damn sure the members of it are on your side to begin with.
There are a number of ways of ensuring that this is the case. Bribery and threats are always popular, but generally to be avoided, especially if you're likely to attract inquisitorial attention as they're better at both and tend to resent other people resorting to their methods.1 Besides, that sort of thing tends to leave a residue of bad feeling which can come back to haunt you later on. In my experience it's far more effective to make sure that the other members of the panel are honest, unimaginative idiots with a strong sense of duty and a stronger set of prejudices you can rely on to deliver the result that you want. If they think you're a hero, and hang on your every word, so much the better.

1) This is, of course, entirely untrue. As His Divine Majesty's most faithful servants, we're most definitely above such petty emotions as resentment.

У нас, конечно, оставалась пара сотен живых душ в третьей роте. Будучи прежде всего и в основе своей гвардейцами, они были способны стрелять не хуже остальных. Но мысль о том, что пестрое собрание поваров, медиков, технических служащих и музыкантов полкового оркестра будет защищать наши шкуры от толпы истекающих пеной изо рта, нацеленных на убийство безумцев, не была особенно утешительной.

(Хотя, замечу в скобках, даже это было гораздо более приемлемо, нежели идея выдать двигателеведам лазерные ружья и показать им, с какого конца стреляют. Будучи шестереночками, они могли рассказать вам в деталях, как эти штуки работают, но ни за что не попали бы даже в борт космического корабля, стоя в его грузовом трюме. Вид тесной группки техножрецов в белых одеждах, держащих новенькое, ни разу не использованное ручное оружие так, будто у них в руках были хрупкие предметы искусства, в то время как на них орал сержант Лустиг, пытавшийся сообщить им хотя бы начальные знания о реальном применении этих предметов, будет преследовать меня до самой могилы.)

Для начала убедиться, что заседатели на твоей стороне. Для этого есть несколько способов. Подкуп и угрозы всегда останутся популярнейшими из них, но их лучше избегать, особенно если есть риск привлечь внимание инквизиторов, потому как они лучше делают и то и другое, а к тем, кто использует их собственные методы, относятся с большим негодованием.

примечание редактора:
Это конечно же абсолютно неверно. Будучи наиболее преданными слугами Его Божественного Величества, мы определенно выше столь жалких эмоций, как негодование.