Four

если с ней я забываю о том, как ужасен мир, то я предпочитаю ее алкоголю.

Мне нужно продолжать искать эти крошечные моменты свободы в мире, в котором непозволительно даже смотреть по сторонам.

____________________________________________


Рационально думать, невзирая на страх, – это урок необходимый каждому.

Я лучше буду жрать из банки, чем позволю какой-либо фракции меня сломать.

...смотрю, как мимо меня проплывает город. Ночные поезда ездят медленнее, чем дневные, поэтому гораздо легче наблюдать за тем, как меняются дома, когда состав приближается к центру. Здания устремляются вверх и, словно стеклянные колонны, выстраиваются рядом со своими старыми и маленькими соседями. Как будто один город слоем лежит поверх другого.

Still, it takes more bravery for Al to say no than for Eric to force him to get a knife to the back of the head, which is something Eric will never understand.

She doesn't hold her breath. That’s good — one less bad habit to break. But she has a clumsy arm, awkward as a chicken leg.

The other factions call us brutish, as if we don’t use our minds, but that is all I do here.

She doesn't try to look comfortable with the blades balancing on her palms, and that is what I like about her, that she knows these weapons are unnatural yet she finds a way to wield them.

Eric would say that dazzling people can be useful, which is why he denied my request, but it’s everything I hate about Dauntless.

“I would improve Dauntless by fostering true bravery instead of stupidity and brutality,” I say. “Take out the knife throwing. Prepare people physically and mentally to defend the weak against the strong. That’s what our manifesto encourages — ordinary acts of bravery.

People choose a faction because they value the same things that faction values, not because they’re already proficient in what a faction teaches.

It’s easier now, in Dauntless black, than it ever was in Abnegation gray, and maybe that’s why I chose Dauntless as a haven. Not out of spite, not to hurt Marcus, but because I knew this life would teach me a stronger way to be.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” I say, flat. It’s a stupid thing to say. Such a stupid thing to say to your mother when she comes back from the dead, but it’s a stupid situation.

I feel too many things to manage, too powerfully to handle, and then suddenly I feel nothing at all.

I avoid looking in the mirror on my way out, and it makes me grit my teeth, knowing how deep these Stiff roots go, and how hard it will be to excise them from my mind, as tangled up in everything as they are.

I’ve faced my fears so many times in simulations, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to face them in reality.

The chance to make a difference in Dauntless appeals to the Abnegation parts of me, the parts that are lingering around, occasionally demanding attention.

I feel like my skin is too tight for me, suddenly.