As If I Am Not There

A refugee is someone who has been expelled from somewhere but does not go anywhere because they have nowhere to go.

She has, of course, already heard of the ‘women’s room’ from others. These stories seem far more likely to her than those of torture. Who could stop the guards or soldiers from doing whatever they want with the women?

The guards had come for the girls. They must have seen them before, because they knew exactly who they were looking for. They observed them during the day, while they were working, eating, resting, that was when the victims were chosen. Then last night they had walked among the sleeping women, flashlights illuminating faces, until they found those two particular girls.

How can I ever explain to anybody the isolation we were kept in? Everything got around, but the news was unreliable, unconfirmed. Even though it is happening right next to you, you don’t believe it. And even if you do believe it, you cannot dwell on it, it would be the end of you. You believe it only if you yourself see it. Perhaps this deliberate blindness is a form of self-preservation.

S. could not imagine that a man’s body could do such damage to a woman, that it was so powerful, so unfairly overpowering that a woman had no defence against such force.

Their murderers need to forget, but their victims must not let them.

In this place, death is not something remote or foreign. It is no longer an unexpected visitor, as it is in ordinary life. Death is a constant companion in their lives, like a reflection in the mirror you cannot wish away because it is always there, waiting for you.

To suppress the scream with chocolate. The tang of mint on her tongue. She recalls having read somewhere that chocolate is good for depression.

How much longer would these memories last? Is it good to remember or is it easier to survive if you forget you ever lived a normal life?