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Writing somehow made me feel more myself than ever before, while simultaneously making me more deeply self-conscious than ever before.

He laughs through his nose as his thumb continues its circles across the top of my hand.Sushi arrives, and it’s not until halfway through the meal that I notice him using his fork to eat instead of the chopsticks. It’s also when I notice that he uses that fork with his opposite hand, so he can keep hold of mine with the other.It’s the best lunch of my life.

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone.” - Robin Williams

“She didn’t laugh or even smile at any of my charming quips. Not one, Meyer.”“Farley. She is your therapist. You are not there to entertain her.”“Oh, bullshit. Why would anyone be a therapist if they didn’t want to be entertained by other people’s issues?”

time doesn’t once again make me zero in on this moment, realizing how thankful I am to fate or God or the Universe or Walt-fucking-Disney—whoever’s up there pulling the strings—that Fee stomped into my life, as inconvenient and powerful as the storm that same day.

“My—I want—” I don’t know what I want, though. More? Less? To go back in time and slap the shit out of Eve for cursing us all with menstruation?

“God, you’re pretty like this, Fee.”She opens heavy lids and smiles drowsily at me. “What? Topless and quiet?”“No. Satisfied and on top of me.”

that night was the first time I thought, I love him. I love him so much that I’d be stupid with him the moment he asked me. I’d run to a chapel now and marry him, consequences be damned.

“Fee,” he says, a hollow whisper. “I meant it. I don’t think I can last long.” A gust of a laugh.I dance my fingertips along the skin pulsing at his throat. “Good. Because I don’t plan on this being the last time I get you naked, Meyer Harrigan.”Because you’re mine. And I’m yours. Yours, yours, yours, I think.

“I love you, Meyer. I think I knew I was going to love you from that first day I watched you stomp in puddles with a gaggle of seven year old girls. I love you for the man you are, the father you are, and the friend you’ve been to me. I was so lonely before I found you guys, too.”His own eyes grow misty and he presses his own sign into my chest.“I love you, too, Fee.”

Christ, how did I wait so long to tell this woman I love her?

“Are you sitting on my Dad’s lap?” she asks, smiling conspiratorially.“I am. Is that okay?”“Yes! He told you the rule, though, right?”“No tongue kissing. Got it.”“And s’mores blondies once a month.”Fee turns back to me, “Why do I think that was your addition?”I shrug innocently.

It feels exactly like you’d think. Like being at overnight camp with your best friend who also happens to supply you with mind-bending orgasms.

“I’ll see you in a few days.”I kiss him like it’ll be a few years.

he continues to be my hammock, my support, and I’ve always had to come upon and fight for my confidence on my own. It should never have been his responsibility, even if he played a role in me finding it in the first place.