Terms and Conditions

I throw the freshly printed contract against my wood desk. The pastel pink colored pages seem out of place against the other documents strewn on the surface.
Iris looks up at me. “What’s this?”
“Our marriage contract.”
“Why is it pink?”

I take a seat in my chair, and it groans under my weight.
“If you pack on any more muscle, that thing is going to split in half one day.”
My muscles flex under my suit as I unbutton the front of my jacket. “I’m sure you’d like that.”
“Only if I catch it on camera.”

“Either you listen to my conditions, or I’ll call the first reporter on my list and announce our split.”
My eyes narrow. “Are you threatening me?”
“Me? Never.” She bats her lashes. “I prefer the term motivating.”

“See, I knew you could compromise if given the chance.”
“Blackmail works wonders.”
She grins. “You would know. It’s your go-to tactic.”

Me: Your brother just told me thank you.
Cal: Rowan? What for?
Me: No. DECLAN!
Cal: What did you do wrong?
Me: Nothing.
Cal: So he actually said “thank you” and meant it?
Me: Yes!!
Cal: Did you hold him at gunpoint?
I laugh as I type out my reply.
Me: No.
Cal: Dagger to the throat?
Me: While the letter opener you bought me is tempting at times, no.
Cal: Shit.
Cal: Maybe you caught him in a good mood.
Me: Was there a global tragedy that gave him the warm fuzzies this morning?

Cal tips his chin in Declan’s direction. “Hello, brother. How are you this afternoon? Make anyone cry yet?”
“No, but it’s only noon.”

My eyes bulge as he shoves a spoon full of cake into my open mouth. “I finally found the perfect way to shut you up.”
I glare at him as I taste the most delicious dessert I’ve ever had.
His gaze remains glued to my lips as he drags the clean spoon past them. “All I need to do is keep your mouth permanently occupied.”

I grunt as I grab a heavy box off the top of one pile. “What are you carrying in here?”
She peeks at the handwriting on the side of the box. “My high heels.”
“They’ll look great inside of the fireplace.”

“I’m guessing you’ve never seen a race before.”
“No, but that guy makes me want to.” Whoever is being interviewed has my attention. Something about his brown eyes and red race suit has me definitely interested in learning all about Formula 1.
“He’s married.”
“You think he might be interested in polygamy? I’ve always been good at sharing.”
“I’ll be taking this back.” Declan tries to swipe my mimosa from my hand, but I hold it tightly to my chest.
“No!”

“You’re the bestest mom in the whole wide world.”
She shakes her head. “Take care of my girl, Declan. Try to get her to sleep before she enters the drunk crying phase.”
“Tell me she’s joking,” he orders as my mom walks away.
I giggle.
“Fuck me.”
I pat his cheek. “Only in your dreams, sweet husband of mine.”