Удар молнии

Your story is only sad until you start making money off of it.
Then I no longer feel sorry for you.

I know I'm bitter and a little jaded, and mildly enjoy it, but am I a sad person? Am I happy?
I plan on being happy in the future for sure, but it isn't here yet. So what does that make me, exactly

He's so dumb if you handed him a box of rocks he'd probably stick one in the ground and say he planted a mountain.