Цитаты из книги Домашнее хозяйство

Loneliness is an absolute discovery. When one looks from inside at a lighted window, or looks from above at the lake, one sees the image of oneself in a lighted room, the image of oneself among trees and sky—the deception is obvious, but flattering all the same. When one looks from the darkness into the light, however, one sees all the difference between here and there, this and that. Perhaps all unsheltered people are angry in their hearts, and would like to break the roof, spine, and ribs, and smash the windows and flood the floor and spindle the curtains and bloat the couch.

О своем зачатии я знаю ровно столько же, сколько вы о своем. Оно произошло в темноте, и моего согласия никто не спрашивал. Я (а даже это короткое слово слишком велико для такого редкого явления, которым я тогда была) вечно странствовала по бескрайним просторам забвения, точно аромат ночных цветов, и вдруг некие захватчики оставили во мне свои следы, мужской и женский, и с течением месяцев я округлялась и набирала вес, пока скандал не стало невозможно скрывать и забвение не исторгло меня. Но это роднит меня с остальными. Своеобразная мрачная алхимия превращает то, что было всего лишь небытием, в смерть, когда к нему примешивается жизнь. Поэтому дверь за нами закрывается, и возврата нет.

Those outside can watch you if they want, but you need not see them. You simply say, “Here are the perimeters of our attention. If you prowl around under the windows till the crickets go silent, we will pull the shades. If you wish us to suffer your envious curiosity, you must permit us not to notice it.” Anyone with one solid human bond is that smug, and it is the smugness as much as the comfort and safety that lonely people covet and admire. I had been, so to speak, turned out of house now long enough to have observed this in myself. Now there was neither threshold nor sill between me and these cold, solitary children who almost breathed against my cheek and almost touched my hair.

Perhaps we all awaited a resurrection. Perhaps we expected a train to leap out of the water, caboose foremost, as if in a movie run backward, and then to continue across the bridge. The passengers would arrive, sounder than they departed, accustomed to the depths, serene about their restoration to the light, disembarking at the station in Fingerbone with a calm that quieted the astonishment of friends. Say that this resurrection was general enough to include my grandmother, and Helen, my mother. Say that Helen lifted our hair from our napes with her cold hands and gave us strawberries from her purse. Say that my grandmother pecked our brows with her whiskery lips, and then all of them went down the road to our house, my grandfather youngish and high-pocketed, just outside their conversation, like a difficult memory, or a ghost. Then Lucille and I could run off to the woods, leaving them to talk of old times, and make sandwiches for lunch and show each other snapshots.