Цитаты из книги Death Valley

I knew that he felt the heavy doom—I just wanted the comfort of shared experience.

This is how I have felt all winter. This lost (and this foolish about the lostness). This feeling, and this fear of the feeling (the fear that I’ve done something wrong, that I wouldn’t have to feel this feeling if I’d done differently, that I shouldn’t feel this feeling, that the feeling is unseemly or irrational or bad or dangerous or too much, that I am all these things). So many judgments.

This is the problem with human relationships: you come to a person with one feeling and they’re having another.

This is why I write. I do it for the alchemy. I cannot just experience things. This is how I experience things.

So it has been decided. I, the writer, have decided. Life has decided, and overnight the decision has been crystallized.

I fear we will both be sucked into the chasm of his illness, trapped there, sharing one pair of footie pajamas, no toehold, nobody to give us a leg up. I fear that I will follow him there (fall there?) only to regret having followed him—suffocation, disintegration, a dying, but no death—as I fear that I cannot follow my father (who I want to follow) where he is going.