Шмяк! Дело табак

When he forced open his eyes he saw pale stars above him, and had once again the sensation that there was someone else present.

He turned his head, wincing at the stab of pain, and saw a small but brightly lit folding chair on the sand. A robed figure was reclining in it, reading a book. A scythe was stuck in the sand beside it.

A white skeletal hand turned a page.

`You'll be Death, then?' said Vimes, after a while.

AH, MISTER VIMES, ASTUTE AS EVER. GOT IT IN ONE, said Death,

shutting the book on his finger to keep the place. `I've seen you before.'

I HAVE WALKED WITH YOU MANY TIMES, MISTER VIMES.

`And this is it, is it?'

HAS IT NEVER STRUCK YOU THAT THE CONCEPT OF A WRITTEN NARRATIVE IS SOMEWHAT STRANGE? said Death.

Vimes could tell when people were trying to avoid something they really didn't want to say, and it was happening here. `Is it?' he insisted. `Is this it? This time I die?'

COULD BE.

`Could be? What sort of answer is that?' said Vimes.

A VERY ACCURATE ONE. YOU SEE, YOU ARE HAVING A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE, WHICH INESCAPABLY MEANS THAT I MUST UNDERGO A NEAR VIMES EXPERIENCE. DON'T MIND ME. CARRY ON WITH WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING. I HAVE A BOOK.

`Mr Vimes,' said Mrs Winkings, `ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch . .

Say `Watch, why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life. Ask Mr Smith for some, he's got more than enough. Anyway, I have a new argument. It's copper bottomed.

`Mrs Winkings,' he said aloud, `no vampire has applied to join the Watch. They're just not mentally suited to a copper's way of life. And it's Commander Vimes, thank you.'

Mrs Winkings's little eyes gleamed with righteous malice.

`Oh, are you sayink vampires are ... stupid?' she said.

`No, Mrs Winkings, I'm saying that they're intelligent. And

there's your problem, right there. Why would a clever person want

to risk getting their nadg- their head kicked in on a daily basis for thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances? Vampires have got class, an education, a von in front of their name. There's a hundred better things for them to be doing than walking the streets as a cop. What do you want me to do, force them to join the force?'