Little & Lion

"I know we`ve said it before, but I`m okay with whatever sexuality you identify with. So is Sau."
"I think I`m bi," I say. "I like Emil. I`ve... had crushes on other girls."
"Well, I`ve never understood the whole issue some parents have with their kids not being straight." She hugs me and then pulls away to look at me again. "It shouldn`t be the default, baby. I want you to be you, whoever that is."

Bravery doesn`t always look like you think it will.

I`m tired of hiding things — secrets about me and secrets for other people. And I know better than anyone how dangerous it is to start any kind of relationship based on secrets.

Lionel said as much to me once, how so many of the same people who are quick to empathize with physical disabilities don`t understand why someone with depression can`t just get up and get on with their day like the rest of the world. It`s like they need a receipt that proves someone is actually going through some shit before they can care about them.

"Sometimes, when I`m getting all down on myself..." Lionel pauses to shove his hair out of his eyes, a task that suddenly requires absolute concentration. He begins again: "Sometimes Dr. Tarrasch makes me repeat thins thing. She makes me say, I`m doing the best I can. I thought it was corny, but I don`t know. It kind of works. Nobody`s ever trying to do their worst, I guess."

"We didn`t break up," I say. "Technically."
Because technically, Iris and I were never a couple. Not in the traditional sense. We were locked doors and long, slow kisses that tasted of raspberry vodka and promises to keep whatever happened in our dorm between us.

Breakups are hard. Honestly, they should be outlawed. They`re practically inhumane.

I`ve always known my friendship with Emil could be more if I wanted it to be, and it`s getting harder to ignore how much cuter I find him the older we get. I`ve never let myself give in to it because there would be no real surprises with Emil. I know everything there is to know about him.

I know how easy it is to believe you`re doing the right thing if you say it to yourself often enough.