Radio Silence

– my worst nightmare is making him do something he doesn’t want to do… without knowing … – more tears fell from his eyes. – a-and… i guess people change and we have to move on, but…

“but now… i’m just… when you get to this age, you realise that you’re not anyone special after all.”

my school friends weren’t bad people. they were just friends with school frances – quiet, studious frances – instead of real frances – meme-lover, patterned-leggings fanatic, and very close to a breakdown. because school frances was very dull, they didn’t really like talking to her, or care very much about how she was. school frances, i started to realise, hardly even had a personality at all, so i didn’t really blame everyone for laughing at her.

he didn’t look like he was just surprised. he looked like he wanted to die

job, money, happiness. that’s what you do. that’s the formula. everyone knows that. i knew that.

clothes are a window to the soul.

“why didn’t you tell me?”
he met my eyes again and i saw how sad they were. then he chuckled. “honestly, same reason i didn’t let you meet my mum. you’re like… in a separate place to all the… difficult things going on in my life…”

(00:38) Aled Last
do u want me to sing u a lullaby
(00:38) Frances Janvier
Yes pls
(00:39) Aled Last
go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep
go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep little frances
that’s all i got
(00:41) Frances Janvier
That was so beautiful, I’ll remember this moment forever
(00:42) Aled Last
shut up and sleep now

– do you want to be famous?
– i just… want to be special.
– you are special.

then he laughed, and it reminded me of a child’s laugh, and i wished people could always laugh and run like that

was it because we liked the same music? was it because our fashion tastes were the same? was it because there were no awkward silences, there were no arguments, he helped me when no one else would, and i helped him when his own best friend was busy? was it because i worshipped the story he wrote? i worshipped him?
i don’t know. i don’t care.
being friends with aled made me feel like i’d never had a real friend before, ever.

“i just sort of wanted to keep you and her separate.” the sun passed behind a cloud, and i could see him properly again. his hair lifted away from his forehead in the breeze. “like… when we hang out, i don’t have to think about her or any family stuff or… work stuff. i can just have fun. but if she gets to know you, then… the two worlds will, like, cross over.”

it didn’t even matter what we did together, because we knew that if we were both there, we would have a good time

it took quite a lot of effort not to say sorry for saying sorry

being clever was, after all, my primary source of self-esteem. i’m a very sad person, in all senses of the word, but at least i was going to get into university

you may be very small but you are all very important in the universe

— Искусство отражает жизнь, — задумчиво произнесла Кэрис. — Или... наоборот.

Это был крик о помощи.
Весь подкаст, от первого до последнего звука, был криком о помощи.
Брат звал сестру.

— Просто хочу, чтобы меня кто-нибудь услышал.

— Я просто… хочу быть особенным.
— Ты уже особенный.