"I always loved you as a sister." My hand was so near to hers that taking it was a thoughtless act, the only right one.
My old friend cocked her head at our joined fingers, cogitating; she was a self-made woman, a singer of questionable provenance, and otherwise she had not changed a whit since she was six years old, and I was speaking the truth: I had always loved her.
"I never loved you so," she said.
Clarke freed her hand from my tightening grasp as two tears fell soundlessly from beneath the pince-nez. Had she trussed me up like a slaughtered buck, I might have thought it my just deserts for the web of lies in which I had entangled her -- this, though, seemed to exceed the boundaries even of cruelty. When my breath hitched, she rose to depart.
"Do you recall the book you had -- the one my father published? The Garden of Forbidden Delights?"
My mouth must have worked; but sepulchres cannot produce sound, and I was a monument to wishes ungranted and tenderness left to rot unused.
The whisper of fingertips touched my cheek, and then Clarke was kissing me.
It was only a brief press, but it was neither dry, nor chaste, nor seeking. It was the kiss of a person who has thought about variants of the same kiss for a very long time, as if it were a hundred kisses, all of them passionate and all of them hopeless. I was startled and -- in the moment -- grateful enough even to reciprocate, did so even before thinking why I should not, and I tasted years in that kiss. I tasted years of dying hope, and the sweet bellyache of longing, and coffee, and Clarke herself, before she pulled away, running her thumb over my open lips.
"That was how I loved you," she told me.