"A loving person takes the smallest cookie"
Книга о параллелях между отношениями с едой и отношению к близости и любви.
- I eat for the same reason my alcoholic friend drinks. - What reason is that? - For the pain. - What would happen if you let yourself feel this pain?
О еде (еда отвлекает от важного, впитывает в себя гнев, печаль и указывает на пренебрежительное отношение):
The focus on food provides a distraction from underlying issues of trust and intimacy.
The obsession with food gives us a safe place into which we can place all our feelings of disappointment, rage, sorrow.
If we were abused, we will abuse ourselves with food.
О любви (как мы любим и доверяем):
We want the love we didn't get from our mothers and fathers.
At the age of six or eleven or sixteen, we decide that love hurts and that we are unworthy or unlovable or too demanding, and we live the rest of our lives protecting ourselves of being hurt again.
О бажном выборе спутника:
Мужчина может быть добрым, уважающим, чувствительным страстным. Но ты не выберешь его, потому что не ассоциируешь эти чувства с любовью, если в твоем восприятии она напряженная, непредсказуемая и т.д.
О решении проблем с едой:
When you allow your pain to be visible, you can give it a voice. And when you give it a voice, you can release yourself from it.
The first step in healing is telling the truth. When you tell the truth, you acknowledge your losses. When you acknowledge the losses, you grieve about them. When you grieve about them, you let go of defining yourself by how much and how badly you've been abused. You begin living in the present instead of living in reaction to the past.
Важно понять, к кому на самом деле мы предъявляем претензию (родителю): понять, почувствовать боль и злобу, а затем не будем предъявлять претензии своему избраннику.
О роли близости:
The significance of being intimate is not in finding a body to keep you warm at night of having a companion with whom to share your life; the significance is that in being close, you are thrown back to the time when you decided that being close was too scary, so you folded in om yourself. When you go back to that time, you give yourself the opportunity to be a child again, but this time with the power of an adult. You learn that you no longer have to hide your feelings to survive.
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