Цитаты из книги Ayoade on Ayoade

Did you know … Oliver Stone doesn’t have an opinion on some matters?

Did you know … Roman Polanski sometimes has sex with adults?

— Is it possible to be a Mistress of Suspense?

— What are the better ways to celebrate Halloween than this chilling collection o’ terrifyingly unimportant trivia questions?

Perfectionism – that uniquely Ayoadean albatross – had flopped onto my own private deck. But there was no time to engage with that particular Ancient Rhyme. I had an appointment to keep.
And off went I.

No more stories! No more authorship! We must remove the idea of ‘I’ from Films! Let there be Flm! I will lead you!

I’ve lived in film, for film and through film; I’ve lived by film and to buy film; I’ve bought film and I’ve bought into film; I’ve been in film (for The Watch is technically a film); film has been in me (and had to be removed under local anaesthetic).

Listen. Listen. Listen. Or just Listen (if you paid attention the first time).

We had to cut your performance. It was simply too powerful for the film to take. Maybe it’s something to do with how loud you speak. Maybe it’s the amount of phlegm you produce (and expel) in scene work. Or maybe it’s because the film just felt very boring when you were in it. But let us not dwell on technical talk, for you and I are dreamers.

It’s called THE DOUBLE, dumbo, not THE SINGLE, stupid. If it were THE SINGLE, the poster would be a dude peering over a pair of Ray-Bans while a hot girl loosens his tie.

This time, could you try and at least sound like you’re not flat-out ashamed to be associated with the film? It doesn’t sound like modesty, by the way. You sound like you’re twelve. A young twelve. A very young twelve-year-old who ought to know better. The kind of twelve-year-old I’d shout at. And his parents would be like, We probably shouldn’t be saying this, but we’re pleased you shouted at him. He’s a hateful disappointment.

Please do not call me. The shrill tone of your already nasal voice is very disruptive to my work. Of course I can see why you’re worried. If I were you, I would’ve probably committed suicide by now.

No fade. Only light.

I am a man. I am a woman. I am a child. I am you, the reader. I am a human being in the twenty-first century whose thirst for Ayoade is unquenchable. And is it not that yearning – that lack in all of us – that sense that something’s missing – that brought us to Ayoade in the first place? Are we not all Ayoade? Is Ayoade not all of us?

By this time we are so relaxed we are both able to shower openly (both emotionally and actually) in front of one another. I ask simple questions, without theme, relying on Ayoade as the final linking thread.
NO CAMERAS. NO LIGHTS. ALL ACTION.

Just woke up from a dream. Or did I? Perhaps I’m asleep now. I guess what I’m saying is that we all need to wake up, before more people die from apathy.

It’s actually really hard for goths in summer. These jumpers are murder in the heat. I have a whole new level of respect for The Sisters of Mercy. Perhaps I should bring out a summer goth line. Still black, but looser fitting smocks/cargo pants. Stuff you can wear to the beach, but still look suicidal.