Цитаты из книги The Virgin Suicides

Мы испытали несвободу девчоночьего бытия, делавшую поток их мыслей направленным и отвлеченным одновременно, чтобы в итоге наделить, к примеру, абсолютным знанием об удачных цветовых сочетаниях. Но теперь мы видели в девчонках и своих близнецов, схожих вплоть до мелких черт. Мы поняли, что условия существования определили наше подобие – так же, как обстоит дело с одинаковым окрасом шкуры у животных; вот только наши сверстницы знали о нас решительно все, тогда как мы вовсе не умели понять их. Наконец, мы уяснили, что на самом деле они были замаскированными, переодетыми женщинами, нашедшими точные определения словам «любовь» и даже «смерть»; на нашу долю выпадало создавать беспорядок и шум, которые, кажется, их завораживали.

The girls took into their own hands decisions better left to God. They became too powerful to live among us, too self-concerned, too visionary, too blind. What lingered after them was not life, which always overcomes natural death, but the most trivial list of mundane facts: a clock ticking on a wall, a room dim at noon, and the outrageousness of a human being thinking only of herself. Her brain going dim to all else, but flaming up in precise points of pain, personal injury, lost dreams. Every other loved one receding as though across a vast ice floe, shrinking to black dots waving tiny arms, out of hearing. Then the rope thrown over the beam, the sleeping pill dropped in the palm with the long, lying lifeline, the window thrown open, the oven turned on, whatever. They made us participate in their own madness, because we couldn't help but retrace their steps, rethink their thoughts, and see that none of them led to us. We couldn't imagine the emptiness of a creature who put a razor to her wrists and opened her veins, the emptiness and the calm. And we had to smear our muzzles in their last traces, of mud marks on the floor, trunks kicked out from under them, we had to breathe forever the air of the rooms in which they killed themselves. It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house, with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.

Trying to locate the girls' exact pain is like the self-examination doctors urge us to make (we've reached that age). On a regular basis, we're forced to explore with clinical detachment our most private pouch and, pressing it, impress ourselves with its anatomical reality: two turtle eggs bedded in a nest of tiny sea grapes, with tubes snaking in and out, knobbed with nodules of gristle. We're asked to find in this dimly mapped place, amid naturally occurring clots and coils, upstart invaders. We never realized how many bumps we had until we went looking. And so we lie on our backs, probing, recoiling, probing again, and the seeds of death get lost in the mess God made us.