My Fair Godmother

“Aren’t fairy godmothers supposed to be nice and make you feel better about yourself?” She rolled her eyes. “No, you’re confusing fairy godmothers with sales clerks.”

Courage is a fickle creature. Just as you need it, it often makes excuses and rushes out of the room.

Boys weren’t a problem for Jane. They only paid attention to her while asking for help with homework. She always knew the answers. See, no problem at all.

— А кто сказал, что я хотела долгих страданий? Не припоминаю, что загадывала такое.
— Если принц должен был спасти тебя от ужасной, безрадостной жизни, — начала она, — то она и должна быть ужасной, правда?

Ладно, возможно сказка и правильная, раз мой отец женился на злой мачехе… Ох, постойте, но ведь и у Белоснежки была весьма отвратительная мачеха, как и у Гензеля с Гретель.
Задумайтесь, сказки так и напичканы ныне покойниками, выбор которых пал не на тех женщин. Что еще раз доказывает, что за века мужчины нисколько не изменились.

There are many awkward places to be alone with your ex-boyfriend. Meandering through the forest in a medieval fairy tale gone wrong is high on the list.

“You couldn’t have wished for something normal like money or fame. You wanted,” and here his voice took on a particularly disdainful tone, “a prince?”
“Well, if you have a prince then money and fame naturally follow, don’t they?” I said, just because I didn’t like the way he was speaking to me. “It’s killing two birds with one stone.”
Tristan slapped the contract down on the bed and looked at me scornfully. “Women.”

...and now I have lizards springing out of my mouth. Do you have any idea what that’s like? How am I ever going to make it through a job interview, or . . . or meeting my in-laws, or—what am I thinking?— high school tomorrow? A person just can’t do those things without telling a few white lies.

“I’m not really the fairest in the land. I’m just the only one who has all of my teeth, that’s all.”

“I just wish that somehow my life could be like a fairy tale. You know, with a handsome prince waiting for me at the ball, and that somehow when I meet him, everything will work out happily ever after.”