Doctor Who: Night of the Humans

'Oh my God! You were!' said Amy. 'You were asking me out on a date! But... you're an alien!'

'Er... so are you,' said Charlie. 'From my perspective, I mean. I'm sorry. Forget I said anything. I understand. It's the no-nose thing, isn't it? Lots of Earth girls freak out with the no-nose thing. And that's fine. To be honest, I find eyebrows a little bit weird. I mean... It looks like your eyes are wearing tiny little wigs or something.'

Amy started to laugh and couldn't stop. She laughed until there were tears rolling down her cheeks, doubled over and hugging herself and almost falling from the crate. Charlie felt himself blushing again.

'What?' said Charlie. 'Well they do. I'm sorry.'

'Tiny little wigs...' Amy laughed. 'That's... that's hilarious.'

'Well, yeah,' said Amy. 'I'm fine. And actually... Seems to me that you were the one who needed rescuing this time.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Back there? You were in quite a lot of trouble. Until me and Charlie turned up, that is.'

'Oh really? Until you and Charlie turned up? So... You and Charlie, eh? Been making friends, have we?'

'And what's that supposed to mean? Are you jealous?'

'Jealous? Me? What? No! Jealous? I don't know what you're talking about.'

'So I'm not allowed to make friends with other aliens, is that it?'

'Don't be facetious.'

'Ha ha... You are. You're jealous. You're, like, green with envy.'

'I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.'

'Ha... The jealous Doctor. Oh, that is priceless.'

'I am not jealous.'

'You so are. What's your doctorate in, anyway? Got a PhD in jealousy, have you?'

'Be quiet.'

'You know, I've been frogmarched by quite a few people in my time, but you guys really have it down to a fine art. Did you know that?'

Neither Tuco nor the guards answered him.

The Doctor sighed. 'Funny word, isn't it? "Frogmarched", I mean. For one thing, frogs don't march, do they? Well... Earth frogs don't, anyway.'

Tuco glowered at him. 'What is a frog?' he snapped.

'Oh. Right,' said the Doctor. 'Green thing. Likes ponds.'

'You are not a frog.'

'No, Tuco... I wasn't saying that I'm a frog, I was saying that... Oh, never mind. I guess some of the more eccentric idioms of the English language have fallen by the wayside with you people.'

'Come along, Pond.'

The Doctor walked out into the metallic valley in which the TARDIS had landed, and, shaking her head in resignation, Amy followed.

'Why do you call me Pond?' she asked, after navigating her way around a particularly tricky mound of crushed steel and twisted plastic.

'Why? Don't you like it?'

'Well... It's just... Pond,' said Amy. 'What's wrong with Amy?'

'What was wrong with Amelia?'

'Lots of things. And as for just calling me Pond. It makes me sound—'

'Nothing wrong with Pond. I'm quite fond of ponds. Ponds have ducks. Well... Some of them do. And ducks are great. And as for the name... Lots of great people have had the surname Pond. John Pond, for example. Astronomer Royal. Lovely chap. Filthy sense of humour, though. Once told me this joke about—'

'Enough about my name!' interrupted Amy.